WASHINGTON– Just when Joe Biden was about to send his new woke army off to scare Russia into giving up their imaginary attack on Ukraine, hundreds of crossdressing US soldiers began having a major meltdown after not being able to decide which outfit they wanted to wear for the plane ride over to Europe.
With the unbiased mainstream news media promising everyone that the threat of a Russia attack on Ukraine is imminent, Biden was informed by one of his generals that he may have to call off the war due to so many servicemen failing to find the most fashionable clothes to wear to take on Vladimir Putin’s juiced up military.
“Having the most fashionable military in the world does have its drawbacks,” said Biden as General Mark Milley showed everyone his new high heels. “Putin’s probably nervous as hell hoping I don’t send my fancy, all-inclusive military over there to kick his keister.”
Due to military members taking too long to pick their daily outfits, Biden declared that he had no choice but to punish those soldiers by cutting down their makeup application time to only two hours per day instead of the usual three.
Biden’s new draconian makeup policy didn’t sit well with most of the woke soldiers who started crying and whining while calling the president a ruthless dictator.
“How am I supposed to put on all my makeup in only two hours?” Asked a transgender soldier named Miss Shangri La as she snapped her fingers in a Z-shape. “I don’t know who this Joe Biden guy thinks he is, but this is totally unacceptable.”
In protest of Biden’s ruthless makeup rule, hundreds of angry drag queen soldiers parked their Prius vehicles in front of the White House and said they’re not moving their cars until Biden gives them back their three hours of makeup time.
Na comfarm news.