MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN– Barack Obama gave one of the most riveting speeches in world history during Wednesday’s virtual Democratic National Convention, with many people from around the world reporting that their diseases were cured while listening to the former president’s silver-tongued words.
Political experts are saying that Obama’s stunning DNC speech was divine and came from God himself, summoning otherworldly powers as millions of sick people were miraculously cured as they became entranced by the healing oration.
“I thought Obama’s heavenly speech last night was being spoken by God himself,” Anderson Cooper said on CNN’s 360°. “Superhuman Obama’s words were transcendent, supernatural, godlike, and exalted. Millions of lucky people who listened to the sounds he breathed were instantly cured of their worldly afflictions.”
The 44th president was just two seconds into his 19-minute speech when patients dying of cancer were suddenly restored back to health, old people were made young again, world hunger was ended, world peace was achieved, bald men regrew their hair, dead relatives rose from their graves, and Joe Biden became intelligible once more.
Although the majority of the world’s diseases are now a thing of the past thanks to the Democrat saint’s recent earth-shattering speech, Obama says the coronavirus pandemic still plagues the United States thanks to the ineptitude and apathy of bad man President Donald Trump.
“Not even the words of a divine entity like Saint Obama can stop Trump from rage-tweeting about the greatest man who ever lived,” Cooper added as the camera cut to a video of a church being built to worship Obama. “The great and powerful Obama says the only cure for COVID-19 is to vote for Biden and then the virus will suddenly vanish the day after the election.”
