SAN JUAN, PUERTO RICO– Officials in Puerto Rico have come together to use their mystical powers of persuasion as angry residents took to the streets after the discovery of unused emergency supplies dating back to 2017’s Hurricane Maria.
With fury over the government at an all-time high, Puerto Rico politicians came up with the ingenious idea of implanting suggestions into the minds of the country’s citizens, encouraging the frustrated people to comply with the politician’s wishes.
Dressed in a long brown cloak, Governor Wanda Vázquez used distinctive hand gestures to give a speech at the warehouse where the emergency supplies were kept hidden in her first public appearance after mastering her Jedi skills.
In front of thousands of angry protesters and dozens of world news reporters, she tried using mind tricks on the seemingly unaffected Puerto Rican citizens.
“These aren’t the emergency supplies you’re looking for,” Vázquez said in a suggestive tone of voice, waving her hand in front of her mesmerized audience. “You can go about your business. Move along.”
Once the thousands of unaffected people repeated her words in disbelief, dozens of workers quickly moved the supplies to another location while a nervous Vazquez and her brown-cloaked political cohorts continued waving their hands around everyone’s perturbed faces.
In a last ditch effort to save herself from an angry mob, Vázquez decided to pull out the trump card.
“President Donald Trump is responsible for these emergency supplies not reaching you,” she said, reading off a CNN cue card. “I wanted to help you, but, you know, orange man bad.”
