World’s First Tri-Sexual Being Heralded As Hero

SENECA, NEW YORK– The world’s first living tri-sexual was created this week at the Southpaw Center for Ambulatory Surgery, thus surpassing transgender people in advancement and popularity.

The world’s first tri-sexual has been named Jonathan Melissa Bulldog and is a part man, part woman and part animal tribrid mix, making Mr./Mrs. Bulldog the ultimate creation and the standard for all of humanity to strive for.

“We’ve finally done it,” 49 year old surgeon Dr. Rex Stoner said in a statement that was released to every major news outlet around the world except for Saudi Arabia.

“We’ve done what many thought was an impossibility. We’ve created the perfect living sentient being, a conglomeration of species.

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“All the world’s top surgeons came together and took the transgendered human one step further. Not only can Jonathan Melissa Bulldog do everything that a man and woman can do, but he/she/it now has superhuman abilities that a normal human doesn’t have, such as being able to fetch sticks, catch frisbees, drink out of toilets and hear things a mile away. Unfortunately though, this leaves the transgendered community at a loss, now that we’ve once again evolved as humans.”

A statement from the White House applauded Dr. Stoner’s work and the steps being made to create a better human. 

“This’s gonna revolutionize news media and Hollywood television shows,” Dr. Stoner said with a straight face. “Imagine all the TV shows, Hollywood movies, magazine articles that are going to be written about this. Every man, woman, child and animal is going to be hearing about this nonstop, twenty-four hours a day.”

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Sources say that E Network has already cancelled former Olympian Caitlyn Jenner’s hit show I Am Cait and is in the work’s of creating a new television reality show for Jonathan Melissa Bulldog titled I’m Better Than Cait. 

Look for Jonathan Melissa Bulldog to appear on the cover of next week’s issue of Vanity Fair magazine dressed in a dog collar and leash.