Progressives Flocking To Surgeons To Get Masks Sutured To Their Faces For Permanent Protection
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA-- With the current outbreak of the deadly virus known…
NYC Mayor De Blasio Forced To Put Out Fires With Unused Vaccines After Firemen Quit In Mandate Protest
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio…
Obama Visits New Jersey To Teach Governor Phil Murphy How To Better Lie To Voters Before Election
TRENTON, NEW JERSEY-- Former President Barack Hussein Obama spent some time in…
At Least 43 Squirrels Shot, 6 Fatally, In Violent Chicago Weekend
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS-- Six squirrels have been killed and at least 37 wounded…
Emperor Biden Builds Coliseum To Feed All The Unvaccinated Americans To Hungry Lions
WASHINGTON-- Tired of waiting around for the rest of the country to…
Lizard Person Bill Gates Accidentally Squirts Venom Into Reporter’s Eyes During Intense Interview
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- Microsoft co-founder and vaccine candy man Bill…
Success: Australian Government Solves COVID Crisis By Executing All Their Citizens
MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA-- After an unsuccessful attempt at eradicating the COVID virus with…
An Impatient Joe Biden Hires Freddy Krueger To Vaccinate Hesitant People While They’re Sleeping
WASHINGTON-- Joe Biden has finally reached his breaking point in trying to…
Emperor Palpatine Mandates COVID Vaccine For All Citizens After Getting Full FDA Approval
CORUSCANT-- Emperor Palpatine has officially mandated the coronavirus vaccine after the Galactic…
Newly Unearthed: Over 2,000 Year Old Confucius Quote Telling Future Americans To Take COVID Vaccine
BEIJING, CHINA-- A never-before-seen quote from famed Chinese philosopher Confucius has been…
World’s Most COVID Vaccinated Man Says He Feels Great After Receiving 180 Shots Within Two Months
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA-- A man from California is making headlines recently after…
Funeral Homes Offering Free Tombstones To Anyone Who Shows Proof Of Vaccination
SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA-- Great news to everyone who gets the COVID-19 vaccine.…