SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA– A man from California is making headlines recently after receiving his 180th COVID-19 vaccine shot within the last two months, saying that he’s never felt better, healthier, and safer in his entire 23 years on earth.
Twenty-three year old Eric Schiff, the self-proclaimed smartest man on earth, left the San Francisco Gene Therapy Institution this morning after getting jabbed with his 21st dose of the vaccine within the past week, which puts him on pace to have a total of approximately 735 doses by the end of the year. Eric claims those 735 doses of the vaccine still may not be enough to stay protected.
Eric was all smiles as he gave a press conference to help urge vaccine hesitant people who may be on the fence about the safety and efficacy of the totally awesome vaccine that all the cool kids are injecting themselves with when their parents are not around.
“I’m almost immune from the scary virus,” Eric said as his face skin fell off in front of various news reporters. “As soon as I’m vaccinated enough I’ll be able to get back to my normal life of being agoraphobic and only leaving my house to get vaccinated some more.”
With pus oozing from his eyes and nose, Eric added, “I’m urging all citizens to get vaccinated as many times as possible to protect themselves from the coronavirus and all future variants. Unfortunately I’ll be taking a couple days off from getting injected with the vaccine because I’m going into surgery next week to get my ninth heart transplant within the last two months because for some unknown reason I keep getting blood clots. Strange.”
Due to being cautious of catching the virus on his one mile walk back home, Eric went back inside the medical institute and received 9 more doses of the vaccine to make sure he’s safe for the five minutes it takes him to get back to his house.
Dr. Fauci says 180 shots is now considered unvaccinated.
Don’t forget your 5000 booster shots as well.
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