CORUSCANT– Emperor Palpatine has officially mandated the coronavirus vaccine after the Galactic Empire’s Food and Drug Administration gave the injection the FDA’s full stamp of approval, proving once and for all that the shot is safe and effective and is not being pushed for evil political purposes to take over the galaxy.
A Palpatine hologram made the announcement immediately before issuing an Order 66 on all vaccine hesitant individuals who refuse to take the totally safe injection, proclaiming that any foolish science-deniers who refuse the shot are traitors to the Empire.
“We have finally proven to all the doubters that the COVID vaccine is totally safe and effective,” an FDA spokesperson said as Palpatine and Darth Vader stood behind him with lightsabers. “After going through a long three hours of testing and research trials, we decided that the vaccines are totally safe and effective. And in case I didn’t already mention it, the vaccines are totally safe and effective.”
While armed stormtroopers went door to door forcing noncompliant citizens to take the jab or get shot with blasters, Palpatine and Vader took their own vaccines live on camera and promised everyone that the shots were real and not just saline injections.
As part of Palpatine’s vaccine mandate, anyone who refuses the shot will not be able to travel into space, attend pod racing events, dine inside cantinas, and must still wear nine masks whenever out in public.
