Dr. Phil: Bashful Snake Refuses To Shed Its Skin In Front Of Its Peers
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA-- A shy snake has made the news this week after it was a guest on the popular Dr. Phil show, explaining to the world its inability to shed…
Geriatric Senators Ask Younger Congress Members How To Use Their Free New-Fangled Phone Thingys
WASHINGTON-- United States Senators were recently offered free satellite phones for emergency communications, which confused the oldest members of Congress whom had no idea what the new technology was, let…
Ron DeSantis Promises When He’s President He Won’t Run For A Different Position After Only 3 Months On The Job
MIAMI, FLORIDA-- During a Twitter Spaces event with CEO Elon Musk, Ron DeSantis told all his skeptics that when he becomes president he won't run for something else after only…
Target Tries Fooling Conservatives By Rebranding As Bullseye
U.S.-- Due to the massive boycott against Target for their line of Satanic trans-friendly clothing, think tanks at the company came up with the ingenious idea of simply changing their…
Trump Trolls Ron DeSantis By Picking Mickey Mouse As His Vice President
ORLANDO, FLORIDA-- As the Republican primaries get closer and tensions mount between candidates, President Donald Trump has gone on the offensive once again against his closest competitor Governor Ron DeSantis…
Japan G7 Leaders Force Zelensky To Sumo Wrestle For More Ukraine Aid
HIROSHIMA, JAPAN-- During the latest G7 summit, all the world's leaders officially came into an agreement that if Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky wants to receive any more financial aid then…
Harry And Meghan Barely Survive After Getting Chased By Kaleidoscope Of Butterflies
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- One of the most frightening events in history happened this week when Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were brutally and savagely attacked by a flutter…
CNN: Chickens Of Color Are Underrepresented On Chicken Farms, Report Finds
ATLANTA, GEORGIA-- According to a breaking news report out of the world's most reliable news source CNN, a new study has found that chicken farms are disproportionately made up of…
Democrats Throw Cancer Patients Out Of Hospitals To Make Room For Illegal Immigrants
U.S.-- Democrats across the country have welcomed the numerous caravans of undocumented migrants and have given them free shelter by kicking thousands of cancer patients out of hospitals to make…
A Suddenly Lucid Biden Wonders Why There’s So Many Black People At His Klan Rally
WASHINGTON-- While giving a speech to a large crowd at a Morehouse College commencement, Joe Biden had an extremely rare moment of clarity and was confused as to why there…
MSNBC: ‘Trump’s CNN Town Hall Was Literally Worse Than 911 And World War 2 Combined’
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- A meltdown ensued immediately after Donald Trump attended a town hall on rival network CNN, with many newscasters like MSNBC host Joe Scarborough weighing in…
Klaus Schwab To New Twitter CEO: ‘Linda, I Am Your Father’
COLOGNY, SWITZERLAND-- Upon hearing the predictable news that Elon Musk had hired Linda Yaccarino as the new CEO of Twitter, World Economic Forum head Klaus Schwab was quick to put…
