BALLYHAUNIS, IRELAND– Authorities have reported that the famous Leprechaun was beaten and robbed early Sunday morning after he mistakenly wandered into an immigrant-only no-go zone of Ireland.
The Leprechaun was said to be recovering in a local hospital after police found him lying on the side of the road badly beaten with his pants down around his ankles. The little bearded man told police that he had his pot of gold stolen as well, which has been reported to be worth millions of dollars.
Irish police are investigating the incident as a hate crime, not against the illegal immigrants, but for the xenophobic Leprechaun for accusing the illegal invaders of a crime and also for not just willingly giving up his gold.
“When the Leprechaun recovers, he’s facing a maximum penalty of sixty-nine years in prison for a hate crime,” said the Irish Chief of Police Nsuadi Mutombo. “Our third-world illegal immigrant community is what makes Ireland Irish. Not all those red-haired O’Briens and McDonalds who’ve been living here for thousands of years.”
The Prime Minister of Ireland Micheál Martin put out a statement of solidarity with the immigrants who peacefully put the Leprechaun in the hospital, and in response vowed to increase immigration into Ireland by 600 percent.
