‘Chief Mouser’ Larry The Cat Catches Large Rat In UK Prime Minister’s Office
LONDON, UK-- Being hailed as a hero by British citizens, Larry the Cat, Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office, has caught a large rat inside Prime Minister Keir Starmer's office…
‘No Kings’ Protester Clarifies He’s Not Paid To Protest, Just Compensated To Participate In A Demonstration Not Driven By Personal Beliefs
PORTLAND, OREGON-- A "No Kings" protester in downtown Portland has clarified that he is not, in fact, getting paid to protest President Donald Trump. When asked why he was holding…
Zelensky Secures Massive ‘Bang Gun’ Shipment In Historic Arms Deal From Trump Summit
WASHINGTON-- Hailed as a decisive turning point in the war against Russia, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has reportedly secured a substantial shipment of cutting-edge weaponry from President Donald Trump, following…
Emperor Palpatine Demands Luke Skywalker Kiss Death Star Wall To Show His Fealty
CORUSCANT, GALACTIC EMPIRE-- In order to ensure the unwavering loyalty of all sentient beings, Emperor Palpatine has ordered Luke Skywalker to perform a humiliating act of fealty by touching and…
Absentminded Terrorist Keeps Leaving Sticky Notes To Remind Him To Blow Up Building
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- According to sources close to the international counter-terrorism community, a radical Islamic terrorist named Ahmad Al-Rashid has been thwarted in his plans to wreak havoc…
Keir Starmer Sends Himself Congratulations Flowers For ‘Masterminding’ Middle East Peace Deal
LONDON, UK-- Only hours after the historic Israel-Gaza peace deal, UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer was spotted receiving a bouquet of "Congratulations" flowers and "You Did It!" balloons outside 10…
Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson: ‘Voting Rights Act Is Essential Because Being Black Is Basically A Permanent Injury’
WASHINGTON-- In what some progressive experts are calling a revolutionary legal framework, Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson has declared that being a black person in America is essentially a…
Alec Baldwin Cleared In Hamptons Crash After Mistaking Tree For Trump Supporter
EAST HAMPTON, NEW YORK-- In a stunning victory for selective justice, renowned Hollywood actor Alec Baldwin has been cleared of all charges after his Range Rover SUV crashed into a…
Katy Perry Confirms Justin Trudeau Her First Lesbian Relationship
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA-- Amidst months of speculation and internet rumors, global pop sensation Katy Perry has finally confirmed that she’s in a committed lesbian relationship with flamboyant former Canadian Prime…
Blindfolded Keir Starmer Promises To Stop Any Illegal Immigrant Boats He Sees Arriving
LONDON, UK-- In response to the UK's mass immigration problem, Labour Party Prime Minister Keir Starmer appeared before the nation wearing a black silk blindfold over his eyes, vowing to…
Ben Shapiro Wakes Up Screaming From Nightmare Forced To Listen To His Own Podcasts
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA-- Drenched in sweat and clutching his hair, popular conservative podcaster Ben Shapiro reportedly awoke frightened in his bedroom in the middle of the night after a vivid…
Trump Disqualified From Nobel Peace Prize For ‘Excessive Peace Deals,’ Committee Says
OSLO, NORWAY-- The Norwegian Nobel Committee today announced their decision to disqualify President Donald J. Trump from consideration for the Nobel Peace Prize, citing an unprecedented and overwhelming surplus of…
