WASHINGTON — After condemning a controversial meme video shared by President Donald Trump that depicted a Lion King parody featuring the Obamas with monkey bodies, leading Democrats held an emergency press conference to announce they will combat the “crude, meme-based racism” of the Republican party by running former President Joe Biden with his proven, legislative track record of racism and disenfranchising minorities.
“Racism has no place in America,” said Democrat Senator Chuck Schumer while standing in front of a podium labeled ZERO RACISM TOLERANCE (TERMS AND CONDITIONS APPLY). “That is why we are prepared to nominate former President Biden, a candidate with a long, bipartisan record of racially questionable remarks, outdated phrasing, and legislative footnotes that require at least three context paragraphs each.”
According to insiders, Democrat strategists spent the morning weighing several response options, including moral outrage, symbolic resolutions, strongly worded hashtags, and building a time machine to delete every clip from the 1980s and 1990s.
“Joe Biden is the perfect unity candidate,” said Senator Elizabeth Warren. “Joe has said so many racist things over the decades that every voter can find at least one quote that concerns them personally. Now that’s inclusion. What better way to fight Trump’s racism with even more racism.”
At press time, the DNC was reportedly workshopping a new campaign slogan for Biden: “It’s Not Racism When We Do It.”
