U.S.– After arresting thousands of illegal aliens this week in Republican states like Texas, Arizona, and Florida, ICE agents began deporting them, not across the southern border, but across the eastern border of the Sovereign Republic of California. The move comes after Governor Gavin Newsom declared the Golden State an “independent sanctuary republic” last week, complete with its own flag featuring a bear hugging a rainbow.
ICE Director Tom Homan confirmed the new approach at a press conference, saying ICE was simply relocating them to a jurisdiction whose stated policies, cultural values, and governor actively encourage their presence.
“California has clearly seceded from the Union in spirit, so we’re just streamlining the process,” Homan said with a sly smile. “Why fly them to Guatemala when Gavin will give them a free Tesla and a Section 8 voucher? We’re simply returning these folks to the foreign nation whose leader keeps bragging on television that he’ll take every single one of them, no questions asked.”
The first deportation flight landed at LAX at dawn, where Newsom personally greeted the arrivals with a tearful speech and a mariachi band playing Hotel California.
“You were torn from your families by cruel red-state regimes, but you are home now,” declared Newsom, handing out pre-loaded EBT cards and voter registration forms to the new arrivals. “California welcomes you with open arms, and everything for free at California taxpayer’s expense!”
One deportee, Hector Luiz Guadalupe Gonzales-Ramirez-Rodriguez, sobbed tears of joy as he clutched his new California CDL driver’s license, saying he was living in fear in Texas, but now can drive a big tractor trailer truck with no training whatsoever and not have to worry about ICE.
