WILMINGTON, DELAWARE– As the 83-year-old former Commander-in-Chief’s cognitive decline continues to worsen, sources close to the Biden family have confirmed that former President Joe Biden has been showering with a rubber ducky he believes to be his daughter Ashley, leaving wife Jill Biden torn between compassion and reality on whether to keep the heart-wrenching secret from her husband.
According to insiders, Biden’s senility has reached new heights, having been found in the shower multiple times embracing, kissing, and whispering to the bath toy, calling the ducky his little “Ashley-Bear.”
Jill Biden, citing “compassion” and “fear of triggering a stroke,” has chosen not to correct her husband, or interrupt him while he’s fondling the bath toy.
“It’s better he thinks he’s still bathing with our daughter,” she confided to a staffer. “If Joe finds out the truth that the rubber ducky isn’t Ashley then it could break his heart. At least now he stopped trying to grope our dog Commander.”
The revelation is made all the more uncomfortable given Ashley Biden’s past allegations of being forced to shower with her father as a child, detailed in her diary.
When asked for comment, a spokesperson for the Biden family released a statement calling the situation “a private family matter” and that “rubber duckies are sometimes suitable substitutes for human affection between family members.”
