OTTAWA, CANADA– Canada’s newly unelected Liberal Party Prime Minister Mark Carney sent out an urgent message to all the Liberal Canadian men in the Great White North Country to begin stockpiling tampons immediately before the prices go up due to the upcoming US tariffs being imposed by President Donald Trump.
During a speech honoring outgoing Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, Carney warned Liberal men in Canada to go out and buy as many tampons, pads, makeup, and other feminine products as possible before the prices inevitably start rising next month.
“Justin Trudeau was the greatest prime minister in Canada’s long, racist, transphobic history,” said PM Mark Carney with a straight face. “I’ll do my best to try and outdo his dictatorship. But anyway, I also have a dire warning to all our effeminate men who identify as Liberals. I’m urging all of you to buy lots of tampons right away because the prices may rise next month, thanks to President Trump putting tariffs on us after Canada tariffed the USA first. He has some nerve to do that.”
Carney explained that he has already begun hoarding tampons in his own household on the advice of Trudeau, who he credits as the man who fought for the right of all Canadian men to be able to always have access to tampons. He also warned that he may have to offset the cost of him having to purchase so many for his own personal use by placing a very minimal 69% sales tax on all tampons.
The leftist prime minister promised that he would also give a live demonstration later to news media of where exactly men insert the tampons.
