MOS EISLEY– While waiting at the Mos Eisley spaceport on Tatooine, Wookiee Chewbacca visited the local barber to get a little trim before takeoff and was livid once he looked in the mirror and saw that the barber had gotten a little overzealous and took too much hair off.
After destroying the entire barbershop in a fit of rage, Chewbacca spoke to Mos Eisley news reporters and said not only did he not pay for the services but he was also contemplating reporting the barber to the consumer affairs department.
“I told the barber before he started to only take a little off the top,” said Chewbacca in Shyriiwook while showing the cameras his bare skin. “I even specified to use the highest clipper settings as possible. I’ve gotten haircuts here before and have never had a problem. We’ve been getting the most incompetent workers in these jobs ever since Tatooine passed these new ridiculous DEI laws.”
Chewbacca said he wanted the barber to only cut a little hair around the ears and over the eyes, saying the females love his hairy look and enjoy being with a real male with hair on his body contrary to all the smooth, shaved males of today.
When asked for his side of the story, the barber in question said it was an honest mistake because he couldn’t understand a word Chewbacca was saying and just decided to shave his entire body since that’s what’s popular nowadays.
