WASHINGTON– In response to the Republicans’ criticism of the horrible job VP Kamala Harris has been doing overseeing the border, President Joe Biden announced that he has addressed the lack of leadership over the border crisis issue by appointing an illegal alien from Guatemala as the new border czar of the United States.
Biden held a press conference on the White House lawn to make the big announcement and to also introduce the world to his new head of border immigration security, an illegal migrant from Guatemala known only as Pedro Jose Juan Alejandro Morales Hernandez-Fidelina de las Mercedes.
“Attention, everyone, I have a big announcement,” said Biden gleefully while reading from his cue cards. “Everyone’s been saying that I haven’t done anything to fix our border issue, which is malarkey, Jack. So to prove all you bastards wrong and that I do care about our immigration issue, I’m hereby appointing Mr. Pedro here as my new border czar to replace, um, what’s her name, Cameltoe Hansen.”
In an effort to get the border crisis solved as soon as possible, the Democratic president put his new border czar to work immediately by having Pedro bring in millions more illegal aliens and get them registered to vote for the upcoming presidential election.
“We’re running out of time because that Trump guy is getting too far ahead of me in the polls,” said Biden while an interpreter translated Biden’s garbled English to decipherable English. “We got to bring in as many of these illegals as we can, Jack. By my estimates there’s only about 15 million in the US right now. Those are rookie numbers. We got to pump those numbers up.”
At publishing time, Pedro had been terminated from his border czar job after mistakenly registering millions of illegal aliens to vote for “Trump” instead of for “Biden,” being that he wasn’t able to understand written English either. No word on whether the DOJ will be indicting Trump for election fraud for Pedro’s mistake.
