LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM– After facing yet more criticism for being accused of lying, UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak gave a press conference to tell all his naysayers that he has never once told a lie, all the while his nose grew on camera right before everyone’s startled eyes.
While explaining how democracy is a threat to democracy, Sunak got heated when the subject of his numerous fabrications were brought up and promised all of the people in the UK that he has never once told a lie, a fabrication, a tall tale, or even a fib.
“I grow tired of these absurd accusations that I lie every time I open my mouth,” said Sunak as his nose began twitching and then lengthening. “That’s why I promise each and every one of you that never voted for me that I have never not lied in my life. Like the great George Costanza from Seinfeld once said, ‘It’s not a lie, if you believe it.'”
After using his nose to grab a peanut, Sunak doubled-down on his claim that he has been totally honest throughout his entire unelected tenure as prime minister and then made a very bold claim to prove his innocence.
“If I’ve ever lied then let lightning strike me down this instant,” said Sunak confidently as the sky darkened and began rumbling. “You see? Even 33 million gods agree that I’ve never not been dishonest. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I have to get going because for some reason this annoying little cricket keeps telling me I should be listening to my conscience.”
