WASHINGTON– After a video circulated on social media of a member of the European Parliament giving a speech calling him “Butcher Biden,” White House aides quickly informed Joe Biden of the latest nickname given to him and were shocked when the president said he actually liked the name and planned on using it for his 2024 campaign.
Back in 2021, Biden also tried using an insult name to his advantage by creating the “Dark Brandon” moniker in reference to the millions of Americans who chanted “Let’s Go Brandon” as a way to show their displeasure with the current Commander-in-Chief.
“You see, I told you the people love me, Jack,” said Biden to his aides as thousands of angry protesters outside the White House chanted “Butcher Biden.” “I want this new nickname put on all my campaign commercials, posters, and shirts. There’s no way I’ll lose the next election with a hip name like ‘Booger Biden,’ I mean, ‘Brainless Biden,’ or whatever the hell it is. It doesn’t really matter since this election’s in the bag. Now clap for that, you stupid bastards.”
Biden’s aides took him aside to inform him that the nickname was another insult due to his stance on the war in Israel and Palestine, but the president dismissed the comments and insisted that it’s because he’s the most popular president in history who won the 2020 election with over 800 trillion votes.
“Don’t give me that malarkey, fat, I was sniffing girl’s hair long before you were even old enough to know that I was rubbing your own mom’s shoulders,” said Biden heatedly. “Now, we better get this butcher commercial going pronto before that Trump guy tries stealing this idea from me just like he tried stealing the election away from me after I stole it from him first.”
At publishing time, news media outlets praised Biden’s new “Butcher Biden” campaign commercial for its gritty portrayal of a determined president willing to destroy the world from nuclear World War 3 while doing it in style all dressed up in a bloody white butcher’s uniform and bloody butcher knife.
