NEW YORK, NEW YORK– On a recent Fox News program, Republican presidential candidate Nikki Haley told the surprised audience that every person in the United States should be legally required to use their real names on social media—except for her.
While trying her best to not win the presidency, Haley, whose real name is Nimarata Randhawa, once again left potential voters stunned by promising when she becomes the first female US president she will outlaw all anonymous accounts, pseudonyms, aliases, nicknames, stage names, nom de plumes, and pet names.
“Not using your real name online is a national security issue,” said Haley with a straight face before scowling at all the people in the audience. “My first order of business as America’s first female president who doesn’t go by her real name will be to get a law passed where everyone online must use their real birth name.”
Nikki “Nimarata Randhawa” Haley went even further and criticized some of her fellow Republican presidential candidates for not using their real, full names while running for the Oval Office, saying that any politician who doesn’t go by their real name shouldn’t be trusted.
“Some of my Republican opponents should also be ashamed of themselves for not using their real names,” said Haley with a look of disgust. “Look at Ron DeSantis for example, whose real name is Ronald DeSantis. He should be forced to drop out of the race and face a firing squad because a president not using their real name is a matter of national security.”
While in America checking on his employee President Joe Biden, China’s President Xi Jinping said he was very impressed with Haley’s authoritarian, anti-free speech, communist-like tactics.
