LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA– Firefighters continue working around the clock to put out a massive fire that broke out yesterday in the Los Angeles area after California Governor Gavin Newsom sprayed a copious amount of hairspray on his hair near a homeless encampment fire pit.
While giving a speech on the dangerous effects of white supremacy on climate change, Newsom paused to reapply some hairspray for the sixty-ninth time within the last ten minutes, not realizing that a homeless man was directly behind him cooking a dead sock over an open flame.
“And that’s when I—-hold on, everyone, I have a hair out of place,” said Newsom only seconds before pulling out two large bottles of hairspray. “I’d hate to have the cameras catch me looking disheveled with my hair not having ten pounds of hair product on it. I have to look my best for when the DNC removes that old, senile bastard from the White House and I take his place in the presidential race.”
Only moments after Newsom sprayed the entire two bottles of spray onto his hair, the entire homeless encampment burst into flames and quickly killed hundreds of people as the raging fire spread throughout the city.
Governor Newsom later gave a press conference and gave his thoughts and prayers to all the people who tragically died in the fire and then promised to launch a full investigation into how the fire started and who was responsible.
I was wondering why California had so many fires.
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