WASHINGTON– Unable to hide his sexuality any longer due to the recent news concerning the elusive Robert L. Peters, Joe Biden has officially come out as gay and said that he has been having a homosexual affair with Mr. Peters thanks to the encouragement of his longtime female wife Jill.
During an emotional announcement in front of the White House, Biden and Robert L. Peters hugged and held each other’s wrinkled hands as the president made the sudden announcement just as Republicans were gearing up to bring charges against the commander-in-chief for a slew of crimes using the pseudonym “Robert L. Peters.”
“Due to recent events coming to light, I have decided to come clean about my relationships,” said Biden as he kissed his partner while news media took pictures of the beautiful scene. “For years I’ve struggled with my feelings, but I finally got the courage to tell the world that I am a gay man who’s in love with this other gay man whom I swear is not me.”
Republicans have accused the Democrat president of using the alias “Robert L. Peters” to commit numerous crimes, saying that Biden is actually also Mr. Peters, not two different people.
“I hope we finally put to rest any false notions that I’m Robert L. Peters,” said Biden as he stood side-by-side with the man who looked exactly like him. “I mean, come on, man, look at us. We don’t even look alike. Robert’s got his hair a little parted to the right side while my hair’s kind of toward the left. You see? Two different people.”
MSNBC host Joe Scarborough blasted the insensitive Republicans and online Trump trolls who have accused Biden of pretending to be gay by using one of his body doubles to play the part of Robert L. Peters to get out of facing charges for his crimes.
“This is homophobia plain and simple,” said Scarborough as his beady little eyes tried forcing out a tear for the cameras. “It took courage for President Biden to come out of the closet and Donald Trump’s band of misfits do nothing but attack America’s second gay president.”
Biden’s former boss Barack Obama released a statement congratulating his former vice president for finding the courage to reveal his true identity and teased that someday a certain other president may also be coming out of the closet once his muscular wife decides to run for the Oval Office.
