HOUSTON, TEXAS– Chinese agents have had to get more creative after President Donald Trump recently sniffed out a group of spies who were stealing highly sensitive information for the government of Communist China in what U.S. officials are calling the Spies Democrat Disguise.
After the U.S. government ordered China’s Houston consulate closed for spying on American companies, scientific researchers, and Mitch McConnell in the shower, several Chinese nationalists came up with the brilliant idea of wearing masks disguised as Democrat politicians so that they could freely steal classified information with impunity the same way real politicians do.
An anonymous Chinese spy masked as Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) told local Fox News reporters that him and a few of his colleagues have infiltrated many secure areas while disguised as many big name Democrats, such as Pelosi, Adam Schiff (D-CA), Jerry Nadler (D-NY), and Chuck Schumer (D-NY).
The brazen communist spy added that no one even realized that he wasn’t the real Pelosi, other than a few people who commented that his English sounded a little more eloquent than the real Speaker of the House.
“Due to President Trump’s shameless attempt to stop us Chinese spies from doing our necessary jobs,” the Pelosi-disguised spy said as he purposely slurred his speech to seem more believable, “and also due to the closure of our consulate we were forced to take drastic measures in an effort to steal American intellectual property away from the greedy hands of the capitalist United States.”
Many progressive Democrats like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez lambasted Trump for his xenophobic stance and also praised the struggling Chinese spies for their valiant efforts, saying those poor secret agents are only stealing classified information in order to purchase bread to eat.
“This is another blatant attempt by the Trump administration to stop marginalized groups from succeeding,” AOC tweeted out after hearing about the president closing down the Communist party’s consulate. “As a person of color who is currently a spy for China, I know all too well how difficult it is to make ends meet and I’m calling on Congress to pass legislation to protect a spy’s right to work here in the U.S.”
