PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA– Democratic Senate candidate John Fetterman has promised his voters that if elected to Congress he’ll be a real pain in the neck for Republicans, saying he plans on keeping his campaign promise by sticking his neck out for the people of Pennsylvania.
While campaigning at a little town called Bumpville near his neck of the woods, Fetterman said he’s been working at breakneck speed in an effort to curb the large growth in poll numbers of his Republican opponent Mehmet Oz.
“Uh, yeah, me promise if get votes I stick neck out for all you, um, yeah,” said Fetterman eloquently in a last minute ploy to save his neck from losing the race. “This, uh, race may be neck and neck, but me can assure you, if I win I’ll be big pain in neck for those Republican guys, and girls, and um, yeah.”
The Fetterman campaign said they’ve been up to their necks with quelling Oz’s swelling popularity, promising that Fetterman won’t let the threat of a massive Republican win be a proverbial yoke around his neck.
Dr. Oz said that he doesn’t want to get too comfortable with his enlarged lead being that he can still feel Fetterman breathing down his neck, worried the Democrat may still get a bulge in votes from Independents.
Oz also promised Pennsylvanians that he has one weird trick up his sleeve to metaphorically bump off Fetterman’s political career.
