LONDON, ENGLAND– Two climate change activists from a campaign group called Just Stop Breathing were pronounced dead at the scene after supergluing their nostrils and mouths shut in protest of the destructive air emitted by human breathing.
The five minute long protest occurred inside the National Gallery in London only moments after two other climate activists were arrested for gluing their hands to a wall near a Vincent Van Gogh painting in protest of the oil used in the famous artwork.
“Mmm, hrmm, wrph, mmmmph,” mumbled one of the protesters through her superglued mouth. “Hmmph mrrph mmrrrr emmmm errrph ehhhmrrph.”
Being that no one could understand what the two superglued women were saying and also due to the fact that they only had a few minutes left to live because of a lack of oxygen, the protesters wrote down their demands on paper calling for every human on the planet to quit breathing to help combat climate change.
“What is worth more, human life or the planet?” Wrote the protester on the paper. “We all must do our part and quit breathing if we are going to stop global warming and save the planet. Join us and hold your breath or the world will end sometime between now and the next million years.”
Right before the protesters died, the two women received word that their group Just Stop Breathing had disbanded after receiving the latest science that showed that breathing had no affect whatsoever on climate change.
The families of the protesters told news outlets that the two women were brave people and that their deaths would have been much worse had they not been vaccinated.
