WASHINGTON– After being called a racist for her statement saying illegal immigrants should be picking crops, former Democratic House Speaker Nancy Pelosi defended herself by clarifying that she’s definitely not racist because she has a Mexican migrant cut her grass and a black man clean out her $2 million swimming pool.
“I don’t have a racist bone in my body,” said Pelosi after removing her white hood. “I can’t be racist because I have a few of those Mexican Latinx people at my home right now cutting my grass while my personal armed security watches them to make sure they don’t steal anything.”
Pelosi said that when she’s inside of her air-conditioned home she likes to eat her $100 pints of ice cream in front of the workers to help them cool down while working outside under the 110 degree California sun.
“Would a racist person let these Chinamen get this close to her feet?” Pelosi asked as two Vietnamese women gave her a pedicure. “I’ll have you know that my black servants are free to quit working for me whenever they want, as long as they’re able to climb over my ten-foot high, barbed wire, electric fence.”
To further prove that she is not racist, Pelosi said that she’ll be hiring dozens of recently arrived illegal aliens to pick grapes in her vineyard and will be paying them a salary of one taco and a bottle of corona every two weeks.
“I heard they like those things,” said Pelosi, referring to the stereotypical foods.
