TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA– A large cat community in northern Florida passed a controversial bill Friday called the “Don’t Say Spay” bill, causing immediate condemnation from feline spay rights groups who say that it should be left up to the cat to decide when and if they want to neuter themselves.
The feline Senate passed the bill before sending it to the dominate alley cat who signed it into law, banning older felines from trying to coerce young female cats from removing their ovaries and uterus as a form of birth control.
“This dangerous bill is pure politics being played by our anti-spay dominated community,” said Mittens, a female cat who opposes the new legislation. “Spayed felines should not be made to feel inferior to everyone else and I promise to use my nine lives to overturn this new ruling.”
Cat advocates for the bill say young kittens shouldn’t be discussing these types of topics with cats until they’re old enough to understand what they’re doing.
“Many female cats confided in me that they made a mistake getting neutered at such a young age,” said Garfield, head alpha male cat in the Tallahassee Alley Cat Chapter. “Important issues like spaying should only be discussed between a kitten and their parents, not their teachers or stray cats they meet while wandering the streets.”
Tallahassee’s first openly spayed cat meowed loudly in opposition to the bill, saying, “Our anti-spay politicians think they can just legislate the spay away, but they can’t. We’ll still find a way to get spayed even if that means getting it done in the shadier parts of our alleys.”
A protest was planned this weekend by pro-spay cats but was called off after the felines decided to just sleep for twenty hours straight and then get up and eat and then go back to sleep again.
