WASHINGTON– News outlets have reported that former President Barack Obama has made another historical milestone after he contracted the deadly COVID, making him the first stunning black American president to not only contract the virus but to also get sick with style and grace.
While levitating three feet off the ground due to his divine presence, Obama told a crowd of worshippers that he had contracted COVID and will be self-isolating right after he coughs and sneezes on everyone in an effort to share his holy bodily fluids.
“My flock, I have come down with the COVID,” said Obama as he coughed on his adoring news reporters. “This proves that my body was too divine and omnipotent for the vaccine, but each and every one of you still need to go out and get the shot of it won’t work for someone else.”
CNN ran a 24 hour marathon report on how Obama made yet another impressive historical first by catching the virus as America’s first African-American president.
“President Obama catching COVID is more remarkable than Christ dying for the sins of the world,” said CNN host Brian Stelter right after praying to Obama. “No one in the history of the world has achieved such a feat as Obama catching COVID as America’s first black president. His sheer grace, dignity, and bravery will be remembered as a major turning point for our world.”
Due to the sheer magnitude of Obama’s accomplishment, the former president has already been nominated for nine Nobel Prizes, nineteen Pulitzer Prizes, ten Olympic gold medals, and a few Academy Awards for his stellar acting abilities.
