WASHINGTON– The highly reputable and respected CDC has recently updated their COVID safety guidelines due to the new scary Omicron variant by telling people they can now protect themselves by covering their ears with their hands and screaming “La la la, this isn’t happening.”
“Due to the ever-changing variant, we have updated the real science to the realer science,” said Dr. Hem Hawing, Director of the CDC’s Trust The Science Department. “Our team of highly skilled dissimulators have recently discovered that if someone blocks out the sound of the virus they may in fact be able to give themselves an extra level of protection. Who knew?”
After this startling research was finished, the esteemed CDC put out an instructional video showing people how to protect themselves with this new technique.
The CDC’s thirty second clip shows Jim Carrey as Lloyd Christmas in the movie Dumb and Dumber when he was riding inside Harry Dunne’s dog van while holding his ears and screaming to avoid listening to his partner.
“Dumb and Dumber was one of the greatest movies ever made,” said Dr. Hawing as he demonstrated the annoying technique. “I know most Americans don’t know this, but the CDC’s entire scientific model is based off of this classic movie.”
