WASHINGTON– What’s in a name? That’s the question Joe Biden has been asking ever since he became America’s most popular president in history, which is why he mandated that every person working in the White House have their name tattooed on their forehead to avoid forgetting their identity.
With all the unwarranted flack he’s been getting from American citizens for being a senile, old Alzheimer’s patient, Biden decided to issue his 6,069th mandate this month and force all White House personnel he comes into contact with to have their names tattooed on the face.
Anyone who refuses his tattoo decree will be faced with either immediate termination or spending the weekend with him down inside of his Delaware basement. A whopping one hundred percent of his staff chose to get their skin inked.
“My patience has finally worn thin with all these people having different names,” Biden said angrily after wiping the snot from his nose with his shirt sleeve. “Why can’t everyone all have the same name, make it easy. Due to this problem, I’m contemplating another mandate where every United States citizen must all change their names to the same name. How about we call everyone this Brandon guy people keep talking about.”
Biden went on to say that this growing problem of there being too many names in the country is starting to become a national emergency and has ordered the honest FBI to label anyone who doesn’t have the name “Brandon” a domestic terrorist.
Two days after Biden mandated that all White House officials and staff tattoo their names on their foreheads, Biden’s Brandon Mandate went into effect, now putting all those tattooed people on the FBI’s domestic terrorist watch list for not having “Brandon” etched into their foreheads..
