WASHINGTON– The GOP has announced that Mitch McConnell’s neck fat has recently stepped down from his face and has decided to take a position at the top of his chest, causing many political pundits to wonder whether this sudden move signals a fracture within the Republican party.
Neck fat, who also goes by the name jowls, ended his twenty year term as McConnell’s chin cushion this week after citing differences with the Senate Minority Leader’s inability to stabilize the sagging skin that lead to neck fat’s departure.
“I can no longer in good conscience serve as Senator McConnell’s chin cushion,” said neck fat from the middle of McConnell’s shirt tie. “Therefore, I am stepping down from my current position from under his face and will now be serving my country from the middle of his chest.”
Members of McConnell’s 120-year-old body have been accused by the Democrats of being influenced by foreign interests and corrupt practices, such as deterioration of collagen, declining elastin, and pressure from gravitational forces.
Donald Trump released a statement calling for McConnell to be removed as GOP leader due to the Senator’s declining neck fat position and the jowl’s unpopularity among the majority of the American people.
