U.S.– Millions of happy, unvaccinated Americans have been out having fun and enjoying the winter season this year, even after Joe Biden issued a stern warning to them that they’ll most certainly die an agonizing, painful death any minute now from the super-duper scary Omicron virus.
While flashing images of dead bodies, explosions, and other dreadful images on a screen behind him, Biden warned all the un-jabbed people who still choose to think for themselves and make their own medical decisions that the longer they wait to take the totally safe COVID vaccine the worse their death is going to be.
“By not taking the vaccine your death will be much worse,” said Biden weakly as hundreds of oblivious people frolicked outside in the snow. “Can’t you unvaccinated people see how much you’re suffering? Just look at how slow you guys are while ice skating around those frozen ponds for hours each day. You’re all dead men walking.”
Biden added, “Why can’t you stubborn people be more compliant like all your fellow vaccinated citizens who died a much less painful death because they were jabbed?”
Biden’s message of hope by telling healthy, active people that the only way they can stave off certain gory death is to get shot up with fifty COVID serum boosters and then lock themselves up inside of their homes and not move around is being met with praise by unbiased pharmaceutical CEOs.
“If people don’t take our lifesaving Pfizer vaccine they’re going to drop dead at any moment,” said Pfizer CEO Profit Margin. “And even though our first four vaccines and six booster shots didn’t work, you still have to take all those first before you are able to take our brand new fifth vaccine and seventh booster, which we guarantee will make death so much less severe.”
