CHICAGO, ILLINOIS– The recently released COVID-19 Omicron variant was murdered this weekend during another deadly shooting spree in Chicago, according to police who identified the victim.
Detectives say Omicron was walking home Sunday night in search of people it could try to frighten into taking the vaccine when a group of unmasked males opened fire on the virus after it lunged at the men in order to infect them.
“The victim was pronounced dead at the scene of the crime by our COVID medical examiners,” said Lieutenant Frank Columbo. “Surveillance camera footage showed that the shooters were all white men wearing blackface. We also have reason to believe these suspects were seen at the January 6 Capitol riot.”
Black Lives Matter activists began protesting near the murder scene, claiming that the deceased Omicron was a racist white supremacist who was targeting young, black men for infection and got what he deserved.
President Joe Biden put out a statement this morning regarding the death of Omicron, saying if everyone would have just gotten vaccinated with their tenth booster shot then this whole rightwing tragedy never would have occurred.
“The shooting of this Omega-man coronavirus variant is a tragedy,” said Biden through ninety masks while getting his fiftieth saline shot injection for the cameras.
Biden added, “This proves just how contagious and dangerous COVID really is, which is why I’ll be writing a new executive order mandating that anyone who hasn’t been fully vaccinated with a hundred COVID injections will be sent to a virus containment camp where thousands of other unmasked people will be standing shoulder to shoulder.”
