WASHINGTON– Joe Biden has finally reached his breaking point in trying to politely inoculate millions of Americans against their will and has asked for the assistance of Hollywood bad guy Freddy Krueger to jab the unvaccinated while they’re sound asleep.
After telling the country that his “patience is wearing thin” in regards to those who still believe in bodily autonomy, Biden hired A Nightmare On Elm Street star Freddy Krueger to inject the COVID vaccine into the anti-vaxxers once they go to sleep.
“I’ve given everyone the chance to get the vaccine the easy way, so now we’ll have to do it the old-fashioned way,” Biden said during a CGI press conference with Freddy Krueger by his side. “It’s called tough love. With that being said, I’m proud to announce the hiring of my old college roommate, Mr. Freddy Krueger. C’mon, clap you bastards.”
Once the fake White House press corps finished clapping, Biden told Freddy to jab Fox News journalist Peter Doocy with twenty doses of the experimental serum before moving onto preapproved questions.
Krueger, a once prolific actor with numerous scary movies on his resume, fell out of the spotlight in recent years until finally gaining steady employment posing as Hillary Clinton’s body double for all her public appearances.
Staunch Trump supporter and conservative pillow salesman Mike Lindell decided to take advantage of the unvaccinated Americans refusal to sleep by creating a new pillow made of jagged rocks that he says is guaranteed to keep the owner up all night by constantly bashing in their face and head.
