SPRINGFIELD, OREGON– With so many teachers refusing to go back to work, numerous schools were forced to make the easy decision of hiring mannequins to replace the human educators thereby increasing students’ productivity, learning, and overall happiness.
Although teachers unions originally balked at the idea due to the thought of losing tons of money, the union bosses eventually warmed up to the lifeless lecturers after seeing their wealth actually increase by being able to charge the mannequins more dues and without hearing any complaints.
“Our students are improving faster than they ever have with their human teachers,” said Seymour Skinner, principal of Springfield Elementary School. “The new and improved mannequin teachers are the most intelligent, hardworking educators we’ve ever had. The mannequins actually look forward to work unlike those former human teachers. I can’t even get the dummies to leave the school building at the end of the day.”
Principal Skinner said that thanks to the hardworking mannequins, first grade children are now reading on a college level, learning multiple languages, and also splitting the atom.
Skinner added, “Thanks to the hard work and dedication of our new mannequin teachers four of our third grade students are now working for NASA, while one little girl in kindergarten just won the Nobel Prize for finding cures for every disease known to man. All this progress kind of makes those human teachers look like the real dummies.”
Even though the former human teachers are now off 12 months of the year, they still claim they are overworked, need more time off, and should be paid higher wages for being heroes.
