CHICAGO, ILLINOIS– To better reflect the state of current modern medical practice, the AMA has changed the original core lines of the Hippocratic Oath from “First, do no harm” to the more apt “First, do as Pfizer says” because the original document was too antiquated and ethical.
The American Medical Association proudly unveiled the more progressive Hippocratic Oath document this week due to the encouragement from drug company Pfizer, which is one of the most honest, altruistic, and sincere pharmaceutical corporations in the world.
“We do solemnly swear to first and foremost do what our master Pfizer pays us to do,” said a group of recently graduated physicians being sworn into the club. “We promise to treat the healthy with experimental gene therapy injections, and to teach the secrets of taking bribes from drug companies to the next generation, and so on.”
After Pfizer executives stuffed some cash into their white lab coat pockets, the group of novice doctors got to work immediately by injecting the COVID vaccine into random people whether they wanted it or not.
Due to having a conscience and actually wanting to treat their patients ethically, a few rogue doctors were stripped of their medical titles by the AMA and then told by Joe Biden that they should have learned to code instead.
