OTTAWA, CANADA– In response to the tariffs levied by United States President Donald Trump, the government of Canada immediately began hitting back hard by replacing all American actors in every movie played in The Great White North country with famous Canadian comedian Seth Rogen.
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau gave an emergency press conference to make the stunning announcement in an effort to strike fear in the United States and let the rest of the world know that Canada means business.
“If President Trump wants to play hardball, then I can play with even harder balls,” said Trudeau as he readjusted his tampon. “To punish both President Trump and also the American people, I have instructed my extremely talented digital team to begin replacing all American actors in movies with the greatest Canadian actor to have ever lived. And no, I’m not referring to John Candy. I’m talking about the great Mr. Seth Rogen.”
Trudeau went on to say that the cost of replacing every single American actor in every single movie and television show would only cost a meager $2 trillion CAD, which would require a very minor tax on Canadian citizens.
“It won’t be cheap to get revenge on the United States,” said Trudeau reassuringly. “Which is why I am creating a new tax on all Canadian citizens called the Seth Rogen Tax. So, now every time Canadians hear the name ‘Seth Rogen’ it will remind them of this trade war between Canada and the US that could’ve been avoided had I just done my job over the last nine years, and also stopped all the high tariffs we already had placed on American goods for many years.”
The Liberal Party of Canada said they would also be deporting any American bald eagles that cross over into Canada. No word on whether Trump would be doing the same by deporting the millions of Canada geese currently freeloading in the United States.
