NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK– New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has announced today during a coronavirus briefing that Santa Claus is forbidden from entering into the state of New York this Christmas Eve because of the bearded fat man’s refusal to take the safe and effective COVID-19 vaccine.
During the press conference held inside of a roomful of people, a maskless Cuomo informed the citizens of New York that Santa will not be permitted to enter into anyone’s home, regardless of whether it’s through the chimney, front door, or window, and anyone seen harboring Father Christmas will be faced with a $25,000 fine and ten years in prison.
“It pains me to have to do this, but it’s for everyone’s safety,” Cuomo said in between coughs and sneezes. “Mr. Claus has repeatedly refused to get injected with the COVID vaccine for a virus that has almost a one hundred percent recovery rate and that may also have a few minor side effects, such as cancer, AIDS, or death.”
Cuomo went on to say that the benefits of the vaccine far outweigh the risks, and has condemned Santa as a crazy, right-wing conspiracy theorist who voted for President Donald Trump in this year’s highly secure election, according to Twitter fact-checkers.
“Our police officers will be on high alert this Christmas Eve in case the COVID denier thinks about coming here,” Cuomo added after he picked his runny nose and wiped his slimy finger across the desk. “To keep the public safe, if Santa is seen in New York he will be peacefully executed on sight. Police are instructed to use social distancing guidelines and stay at least six feet away from the super-spreader when shooting him.”
The governor ended the news conference by saying that Bill Gates will be playing Santa Claus at the local mall starting on Friday, letting children sit on his lap while Dr. Fauci dressed as an elf injects them with the vaccine using a candy cane-colored syringe.
“Kids will love it,” Cuomo said of the festive needle.
