WASHINGTON– Outgoing President Joe Biden has been giving out a lot of pardons lately and has recently offered a limited time Christmas deal to all those individuals who are frightened of what may happen in the upcoming Trump administration a ten percent off all pardons special, minus his usual ten percent tax for the Big Guy.
The lame-duck president made the generous deal as a way to rake in as much money as he can, being that he only has a very short time left in office to be able to use his power to get money out of people.
“I got the Christmas deal of a lifetime for all you folks who may be worried about Trump coming after your crimes,” said Biden in a recent speech that seemed more like a commercial. “For a limited time only, I’m offering a ten percent discount on all my pardons. That’s right, folks, you heard that right. Ten percent off until Christmas, plus a very small ten percent tax for the Big Guy..”
When word got out that he was reducing the price of his pardons, Biden was inundated with phone calls begging for a pardon and dozens of people lined up outside the Oval Office door in the hopes of purchasing their “Get out of jail” pardon before Donald Trump gets sworn into office in January 2025.
Leftwing news media outlets were quick to come to the Democrat president’s defense, saying that Biden’s Christmas pardon deal was just a conspiracy theory being spread by far-right MAGA trolls. After it was proven that the corrupt president was indeed handing out pardons like candy, the same news outlets admitted that it was true, but said it was necessary to save democracy from the orange-skinned, literally Hitler guy.
