WASHINGTON– A new bill was passed unanimously by both Republican and Democrat Congress members this morning called the Be Polite, Hold The Door bill, which makes it mandatory for anyone who is entering into a building to hold the door open if someone is behind them, shuffling in a new era of politeness in an effort to bring the segregated nation together.
According to the bill, anytime someone enters into a building, whether it’s a store, office, restaurant, or even a home, they must first check to see whether there’s another person behind them within twenty feet.
“Twenty feet seemed like a decent enough number,” said Rep. Matt Gaetz of Florida. “With the passing of this new bill, people will be forced to show an effort of politeness toward their fellow American, or face penalties anywhere from a $10,000 fine to 50 years imprisonment.
“Maybe this’ll make Mr. Rude American think twice about slamming a door in an old lady’s face as she tries pushing her wheelchair into her local grocer.”
The front of every single entrance of every building across the United States, says Gaetz, will be painted with a pink triangular marking on the ground, letting people know whether they’re within the required twenty foot range. The pink markings will also be mandatory on every home across the nation.
“We chose pink because pink represents seriousness,” Gaetz added as he lifted up his pant legs and showed reporters his pink socks. “I wear these boys during every single Congressional hearing. Why do ya think everyone takes me so seriously?”
The Be Polite, Hold The Door project is set to start next week. The U.S. government has already ordered millions of gallons of paint from the Home Depot, since Congressmen felt that the company’s bold orange color was a lot more serious-looking than Lowe’s less serious blue company color.
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