PALM BEACH, FLORIDA– Former presidential hopeful Dr. Ben Carson claimed today that Noah’s Ark was used to store nuclear weapons, not to save animals from a worldwide flood, thereby disproving the Biblical myth and proving once again the depth of his own vast knowledge on historical subjects.
At a rally for Donald Trump inside his hometown bathroom of Palm Beach this morning, the soft-spoken physician stopped brushing his teeth to tell a crowd of one the startling revelation.
“Yes, sir, the ark was used to store nuclear weapons,” he told his audience after spitting out toothpaste. “I realize that most people believe the Biblical version of events according to God’s word, but it’s just not so.
“Noah was transferring those nuclear weapons to Israel to further their quest for world domination. You see, it all makes sense when you take into consideration the fact that Noah was Jewish and worked for Mossad.”
When asked by the audience where the story of bringing two of each animal into the ark came from, Carson explained. “Well, Ben, it goes back to the enslavement of African Americans. If it wasn’t for the ark, all us blacks would still be in Africa eating flies and drinking our own toilet water. Obamacare is the worst thing that’s happened in this country since the worldwide flood. That tells us everything, Ben.”
Ben Carson will be on the campaign trail this week, urging voters to do the right thing. His schedule is as follows:
His living room on May 3rd.
His garage on May 4th.
His attic on May 7th and 9th.
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