‘Star Wars: The Acolyte’ Under Fire For Not Hiring Any Trans, Disabled, One-Eyed, Pansexual Wookiees
HOLLYWOOD-- In an effort to be as inclusive and progressive as possible,…
Chewbacca Furious At Barber After Saying Only Take A Little Off The Top
MOS EISLEY-- While waiting at the Mos Eisley spaceport on Tatooine, Wookiee…
Brazil’s Alexandre de Moraes Dons Helmet And Sword To Try To Appear Less Menacing
BRASÍLIA, BRAZIL-- After flexing his authoritarian muscles and getting accused by millions…
Top 10 Fake News Stories Of 2023: Daily Soak Edition
WORLD-- With 2023 coming to a close and the line between what's…
Grand Moff Tarkin Claims He Gave People Of Alderaan Two Minutes To Evacuate Before Blowing Up Planet
WORLD-- In order to stop the Rebel Alliance and bring order to…
Klaus Schwab To New Twitter CEO: ‘Linda, I Am Your Father’
COLOGNY, SWITZERLAND-- Upon hearing the predictable news that Elon Musk had hired…
Black-Robed Biden Executes Order 66 On MAGA Republicans During Impassioned Speech
WASHINGTON-- In an effort to bring order to the United States, a…
Justin Trudeau Hires Imperial Stormtroopers To Help Bring Order To The Galaxy
OTTAWA, CANADA-- In a last ditch effort to restore order to the…
Emperor Palpatine Mandates COVID Vaccine For All Citizens After Getting Full FDA Approval
CORUSCANT-- Emperor Palpatine has officially mandated the coronavirus vaccine after the Galactic…
Michigan Governor Extends Shutdown Order By Placing Stormtroopers In Front Of People’s Homes
LANSING, MICHIGAN-- Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer extended her stay-at-home order to combat…
Puerto Rico Officials Use Jedi Mind Trick To Distract From Unused Disaster Supplies
SAN JUAN, PUERTO RICO-- Officials in Puerto Rico have come together to…
Jabba The Hutt Sheds 2000 Pounds After Getting Fat-Shamed On Instagram
TATOOINE-- The galaxy's most powerful gangster Jabba the Hutt has gained a…
