UK Police Storm Hospital After Ultrasound Spots Fetus Forming A ‘Hate Symbol’ With Its Hand
LONDON, UK — In a swift and decisive victory for digital safety, a heavily armed Metropolitan Police counter-terrorism unit raided a local London hospital early Monday morning after a routine…
Trump Unveils Pride Month Concession By Appointing Lindsey Graham As Lead Octagon Girl For UFC Freedom Event
WASHINGTON — In a historic bipartisan compromise to appease angry Democrats and fulfill federal diversity quotas, President Trump announced today that Senator Lindsey Graham will serve as the official Lead Octagon…
Bernie Sanders Buys Fourth Home To Store All His New ‘Tax The Trillionaires’ Signs
BURLINGTON, VERMONT — Following reports that Elon Musk had officially become the world's first trillionaire, Senator Bernie Sanders announced Saturday that he had purchased a fourth home to store his…
Historic Iran Peace Deal Postponed After White House Discovers Tomorrow Already Reserved For Different Historic Iran Peace Deal
WASHINGTON — The White House announced Saturday that a long-awaited historic peace agreement between the United States and Iran has been postponed after staffers discovered that tomorrow's schedule was already…
UK Government Cracks Down On Knife Crime By Limiting Migrants To Three Stabbings Per Week
LONDON, UK — Facing mounting pressure from citizens over a relentless wave of violent attacks across the country, UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer has announced a sweeping, "tough-on-crime" initiative by…
California Promises To Have Final Election Results Ready Just In Time For The Next Election
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA — Amid mounting national scrutiny and widespread public exhaustion, the California Secretary of State’s office announced Thursday that the state is on track to have the official, finalized…
King Charles Knights Sudanese Belfast Attacker For ‘Services To Cultural Enrichment’
LONDON, UK — In a beautiful and touching display of modern British values, King Charles III held a special ceremony at Buckingham Palace today to knight the Sudanese migrant who…
Democrats Condemn DOJ Attempt To Disenfranchise Thousands Of Imaginary Voters
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA — California Democrats expressed outrage this week following a Department of Justice crackdown on election irregularities, fiercely condemning what they called a "blatant act of voter suppression"…
Keir Starmer Condemns Belfast Attacker For Not Using Ethically Sourced Knife To Try To Behead Victim
LONDON, UK — Addressing the nation following a horrific knife attack in Belfast this week, a visibly shaken UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer issued a swift and furious condemnation of…
Aides Remind Lindsey Graham He Can Stop Pretending To Care About South Carolina As Soon As Polls Close
COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA — As South Carolina Republicans headed to the polls Tuesday for the state's 2026 primary election, exhausted campaign aides reportedly had to remind a frantic Senator Lindsey Graham…
Gavin Newsom Welcomes Federal Election Probe Moments After Warehouse Full Of Counted Ballots Spontaneously Combusts
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA — Following widespread public outcry over a multi-week-long ballot-counting process, California Governor Gavin Newsom announced his administration’s full, enthusiastic cooperation with a newly launched DOJ and FBI audit…
US Troops Deployed To UK To Protect Citizens From Their Own Police Force
SOUTHAMPTON, UK — Citing a rapidly escalating humanitarian crisis, President Donald Trump officially authorized the deployment of the 82nd Airborne Division to the United Kingdom on Friday, tasking the US…
