LONDON, UK — Onlookers gathered outside 10 Downing Street erupted into applause after Britain’s famous Chief Mouser, Larry the Cat, slowly emerged from the famous black door, dragging a heavy, graying, unusually bureaucratic-looking rat onto the pavement by the scruff of its neck.
According to eyewitnesses, the giant rodent was remarkably uncharismatic, wore a tailored suit, and appeared to have abruptly resigned from its position on the premises just moments prior.
“We heard a sharp hiss, followed by what sounded like a man nervously reading from a pre-written script about ‘tough decisions,’ and then sudden silence,” said BBC political correspondent Alistair Vance, who was on the scene. “Next thing we knew, Larry dragged the creature onto the steps. To be honest, it’s the most effective leadership we’ve seen out of Downing Street since the mid-1990s.”
Sources close to the 19-year-old tabby cat report that despite the successful hunt, the Chief Mouser is growing increasingly despondent.
After dropping the Starmer-sized rodent near the Westminster trash bins, Larry reportedly looked down Whitehall toward the Houses of Parliament, let out a long, exhausted sigh, realizing that there are far more rats occupying government benches than he could ever possibly remove in a single lifetime.
At press time, Larry the cat had returned to his favorite windowsill, where aides said he was patiently waiting for the next unusually large rodent to wander into Downing Street to take the place of the previous rat.
