DUBLIN, IRELAND—With thousands of Irish truckers currently flooding the roadways to protest the ongoing gas issue and the exorbitant policies of climate change elitists, the Irish government confirmed Sunday that it has contracted former Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau to restore order to the nation’s roadways by any means necessary.
Sources confirm Trudeau immediately bypassed standard negotiations with the Irish protesters, instead requesting sweeping emergency powers, a militarized cavalry, and direct, unchecked access to the nation’s banking infrastructure.
“It is simply unacceptable that this small fringe minority feels they have the right to disagree with the state,” Trudeau told reporters, while advising Irish officials to sign an executive order to financially ruin a local GoFundMe organizer. “When citizens question climate change elitists or complain about a little thing like the gas issue bankrupting their families, they are engaging in anti-state behavior. We will freeze their assets, cancel their auto insurance, and confiscate their livestock for the greater good of our democracy. Trust me, I’ve done this before.”
Within hours of assuming his newly invented role, Trudeau wasted no time implementing the extreme tactics that made his controversial 2022 response to the Canadian trucker protests infamous worldwide, including classifying truck honking as a form of economic extremism.
At press time, Trudeau had also ordered police to use their horses to trample as many little old Irish grandmothers as possible.
“Trample a few old ladies and everyone else falls in line,” said Trudeau with a grin.
