TORONTO, ONTARIO — After what Canada Health described as a triumph of administrative efficiency, 62-year-old Marc Delaney finally reached the front of the emergency room line Wednesday evening just moments before hospital staff wheeled his body into the morgue for an autopsy.
The late Mr. Delaney, who originally entered the emergency room in late 2021 with what he described as “mild chest tightness and a concerning sense of impending doom,” was reportedly thrilled to see his number finally flash on the digital overhead display.
“Mr. Delaney showed tremendous patience and cooperation with our socialized healthcare system,” said a Ministry of Health spokesperson, praising the man’s commitment to waiting almost 5-years in the emergency room. “He waited through our federal election, the rise and fall of two separate pandemic variants, and the entire 2026 Stanley Cup playoffs. Not once did he attempt to skip the line, even during the period where he technically stopped breathing. He is a true testament to the endurance of the Canadian spirit.”
The spokesperson went on to say that Delaney’s death in the ER is “a win-win” for both patient and hospital, explaining that by waiting until the patient was deceased, they successfully bypassed the need for expensive tests or having to do any extra work.
At press time, Delaney’s family was informed that while his medical care is complete, he has been placed on an eight-year waitlist for a cemetery plot. Officials recommended he remain patient in the hospital freezer until a space becomes available around 2034.
