TEHRAN, IRAN — Following the sudden death of Iran’s longtime Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei during recent airstrikes carried out by the United States and Israel, Iran’s powerful ruling council convened an emergency meeting this week and have officially selected Achmed the Dead Terrorist as the successor.
The decision comes following a week of frantic deliberation after recent airstrikes left a vacuum at the top of the Islamic Republic’s leadership. The Council cited Achmed’s unwavering commitment to explosive rhetoric and his proven track record of being already dead as the primary reasons for the appointment.
“We needed a leader who could not be intimidated by further airstrikes,” said a spokesperson for the Council, while Achmed was being removed from a blue suitcase that he had arrived in. “Since the new Supreme Leader is already a skeletal remains of a failed suicide bomber, the Zionists have nothing left to target. He is, quite literally, indestructible.”
Achmed, a skeletal puppet originally introduced in comedian Jeff Dunham’s comedy special, reportedly impressed council members during interviews with a fiery speech promising to rebuild Iran’s military using very big bombs that absolutely will not explode prematurely this time.
In response to the threat of annihilation from the new puppet leadership, Israel was left with no other alternative but to use the Samson Option and nuke the entire world.
