U.S. — Millions of unvaccinated Americans confirmed this week that they have once again survived, thrived, and inconveniently remained upright through yet another year of former President Joe Biden’s warning that they’d face “a winter of severe illness and death” if they didn’t take the COVID vaccine.
Now passing its fourth year since December 16, 2021, the much-anticipated “Winter of Death” has reportedly failed to arrive for the pureblood population, despite Biden’s ominous warning that anyone who refused to take the mRNA gene therapy shot would die a slow, agonizing death.
“I keep waking up every morning expecting to be a ghost,” said Ohio resident Joe Jacobs, after returning from a funeral for his triple-boosted, now-former coworker. “I keep thinking that any minute I’m going to drop dead from not taking the shot. But instead, for some reason, I feel healthier than I ever have.”
In spite of Biden’s dire warning, unvaccinated Americans continue engaging in risky behaviors such as aging normally, going outside, and exercising.
When reached for comment on his unfulfilled prophecy, Biden appeared confused and mumbled something incoherent before crapping his pants and sniffing the reporter’s hair.
