SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA– In a stunning reversal, local liberal activist and former COVID-19 vaccine zealot, Brian Higgins, has gone from wishing death on the unvaccinated to literally pleading for their “clean” blood donations. Higgins, once notorious for his Twitter rants calling unvaccinated individuals “selfish murderers,” now finds himself in desperate need of transfusions due to the very vaccine he championed.
Higgins, 32, who proudly posted his vaccination card on social media with the hashtag #VaxxedAndProud, developed severe thrombocytopenia-a blood clotting disorder-shortly after his third Pfizer booster. After multiple hospitalizations and failed treatments, his doctors informed him that his only hope for recovery lies in receiving blood transfusions from unvaccinated donors, many of them Trump supporters, whose blood has not been compromised by mRNA technology.
In a tearful interview from his home, Higgins confessed, “Yes, I admit, I was kind of wrong about wishing that you anti-vaxxers would die a slow, painful death. I spent two years calling you all idiots, wishing you’d die from COVID. I swear I’m not just saying ‘I’m sorry’ because I want you to give me your pure blood. So please, if you’re unvaccinated, I’ll do anything. I’ll even vote Republican.”
Higgins change of heart comes as mounting evidence links COVID-19 vaccines to a range of serious health issues, including myocarditis, Guillain-Barré Syndrome, and increased risk of stroke. Despite these findings, Higgins had continued to advocate for mandatory vaccination, even calling for the imprisonment of those who refused.
Unvaccinated coworkers of Higgins have claimed that he’s not actually sincere, claiming they recently caught him watching CNN during one of his lunch breaks.
In related news, the Red Cross has announced a new “Pure Blood” donation program specifically for unvaccinated individuals, citing “increased demand from regretful vaxxers.”
