WASHINGTON– In a shocking display of moral clarity, the Democrat Party has announced plans to combat President Donald Trump’s alleged fascism by setting fire to the White House. The move, hailed as “bold” and “necessary” by party leaders, aims to “save democracy” by destroying its physical embodiment.
“We cannot let fascist Trump’s fascist regime continue to desecrate the halls of power with his fascist presence,” declared Senator Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, brandishing a Molotov cocktail while counting how many times she said “fascist.” “The only way to truly resist is to reduce the White House to ashes-just like the Nazis did in Germany!”
Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi added, “This is not violence; it’s self-defense. We’re not burning down a building-we’re liberating the nation from Mr. Trump’s tyranny. The only way to save democracy is to burn down Mr. Trump’s fascism.”
The plan, codenamed “Operation Molotov Mandate,” involves a three-pronged attack: the idea known as Antifa will create a diversion at the front gates while mostly peaceful BLM activists breach the rear with a battering ram. Meanwhile, a team of “trans furries” will douse the building in gasoline harvested from Tesla electric cars.
When asked about potential casualties, Rep. Ilhan Omar shrugged. “Collateral damage is a small price to pay for freedom. Besides, Trump supporters are basically human shields for fascism.”
Critics have pointed out the hypocrisy of using arson to fight authoritarianism, but Democrats remain undeterred. “Fascism demands drastic measures,” said Sen. Bernie Sanders, adjusting his flame-retardant suit. “And if that means torching the White House, so be it. After all, I’ve been advocating for the abolition of private property for decades, other than my four homes of course-so why not start with the Nazi White House?”
The White House has issued a statement calling the threat “deeply disturbing” and “totally on-brand for the left.” Trump himself posted on Truth Social, “Can’t believe these radical left losers are finally admitting they’re the real fascists. Someone should tell Attorney General Pam Bondi to look into this! Thank you for your attention to this matter.”
In related news, the DNC has launched a GoFundMe campaign to raise $100 million for “White House Reconstruction and Reeducation Camps.” Donors who contribute over $10,000 will receive a commemorative “I Helped Burn Down the White House and all I got was this Lousy T-shirt” t-shirt.
