WASHINGTON– After hearing the news that war in the Middle East had escalated, a giddy Senator Lindsey Graham started his morning by crossing off yet another day on his calendar that the world was closer to nuclear World War 3.
While watching the news that Israel and Iran had begun bombing each other with numerous people dying, Lindsey Graham began jumping around in restrained jubilation as his wishes of an all-out war between all the world’s superpowers grew closer by the day.
“Oh boy, I’m so darn excited,” said Sen. Lindsey Graham as he ran over to his calendar to mark off another day. “My goodness, we’re so close to kicking this thing off I can feel it. I can almost smell the scent of people’s putrefying flesh falling off of their bodies from the nuclear fallout. If I was a religious man I’d get down on my knees and thank God. Maybe I’ll get down on my knees later, but for something else entirely.”
Lindsey then went outside to his driveway and slapped a new “Honk If You Love World War 3” bumper sticker on the back of his car that he had purchased off of Amazon.
The next day Lindsey woke up he was filled with even more exhilaration at the thought of the world being yet one more day closer to total annihilation.
